Love or Dependency? The Thin Line Between Need and True Connection

 

Sometimes people long for closeness so much that they are willing to dissolve completely into another person — to stop being themselves, just to escape loneliness. But that isn’t mature love, it’s dependency. Psychologists call this type of bond a symbiotic union. In its passive form, it shows up as submission: a person lives someone else’s life, lets themselves be controlled, simply because they’re afraid of being alone. They cling to their partner as if to oxygen.

In my book Vanilla Island, I wanted to show how a different kind of relationship can be born — a healthy, mature love. The kind that unites without erasing individuality.

It’s a very delicate balance: to be close, to be near, and yet to remain yourself. But I believe that’s where the true depth of emotional intimacy lies.

The relationships between my characters don’t follow the classic romantic script. They begin with play, with trials, sometimes even with elements of submission and pain. This can be shocking, but what matters is not the outward appearance — it’s the inner process, the psychology of relationships, the journey they take together.

It is a search for emotional ecstasy — for that which fills life with meaning. And within this blend of passion, tenderness, and even aggression, a space for real connection sometimes emerges.

Yes, it’s not a typical beginning for a relationship. But it is precisely this experience that allows the characters to shed all external barriers, to become utterly open and vulnerable with each other. That is what becomes the first step toward closeness. Not yet love — but its possibility.

As Erich Fromm once wrote, erotic love is the thirst for complete union, the striving to become one with another. People often mistake this for infatuation — that fiery feeling when barriers between strangers suddenly collapse. But such a spark quickly fades if it isn’t backed by genuine emotional intimacy.

Physical attraction can create the illusion of closeness for a time, but without true love it leaves people just as distant from each other as before.

My characters are only beginning their path. What arises between them is just a spark. But will they be able to walk the road toward mature love — a love that holds not only passion, but also tenderness, respect, and acceptance? That is the central question of the story.